my lack of reply

I finally completed the cd and verse to be included with her package.

i had sent flowers which failed to arrive on the proper day according to the tracking #

i'm going to crap on somebody about this

the intention is to get it in the mail today, which would possibly get to her by monday. that shouldn't be too bad. a deliberate separation from her b-day package

who know what the result will be ...?..

sappy bastard

watching Serendipity....again

I just love this movie...it speaks to my belief in a true, intense, and defendable love worth fighting to attain.

in the stars

AQUARIUS If you have fallen out with someone you love don't worry: you will get the chance to kiss and make up when the Sun moves into the partnership area of your chart on Friday. In fact, you will get several such chances but don't leave it too long. If they get the impression you no longer care the way you once did they may go off with someone new.


I truly don't think it's possible to show that I still care more. It's not out of my hands yet, but it definitely not up to me at this point.

TROY

"Women have a way of complicating things"

-Odyseus "Troy"

full conversation ... gone awry....safe

i'm not sure what's been spurred, but i'm happy about it
we talked for a solid hour today online
about anything really

it was going great until I F'd it up w/ my philosophical wax exstatic which wound up being such a parable for our relationship

I said it was better never to have loved at all: to which I do believe just not as wholeheartedly as I proclaimed. It struck a nerve though. She query'd why though, to which I replied..

"uhm....then you don't know what your missing....ignorance is bliss

like w/ me having that great job at worldstreet....life was awesome...now everything till i do better will be compared against that...instead of simply being able to enjoy each instance for what it is"

she signed of that instance, i'm hoping not in disgust or to cry, though that is most likely
i'm such a schmuck. and of course my follow up was

"had i been slumming the whole time...i'd just enjoy each job instead of always saying ...remember when....or will i ever have it that way again..."

but she didn't get to see that part. I'm such a TARD.

turns out her computer crashed and I'm just a worry wart.
The thoughts that ramble in my mind, I am truly disturbed.

she rang today

It was a pleasant suprise, and I had been suprised enough by the quick email

She rang me in the a.m. while she was waiting to board her plane. It's possible it was a courtesy call either solely due to the my most recent letter, but that would not have made a call necessary in my book. I feel she may have discussed the scenario w/ another and been coached into it. If that be the case, then the overall outlook is better. Both for a healthy continued friendship as well as any possible advancement beyond such. It was a good day for for the ego in the realm of emotion.

not really a surprise

didn't know this prior but:

AQUARIUS
By all means lets others know what is worrying you or annoying you but don't expect too much sympathy today. Planetary activity in your opposite sign of Leo means that partners and colleagues are far too busy sorting out their own problems to be overly concerned with yours. But don't worry, according to the planets your "problems" are largely illusory anyway.

Apparently the girl I pine over is in my 'opposite sign'...go figure.

even the stars have a sense of irony

AQUARIUS Don't let anyone persuade you that what you desire is beyond your reach. If you want it enough you will find a way to get it. Having said that, it might be wise to ask yourself first if you really need it and, if you do get your hands on it, will it do you any good. Realizing your desires is not always such a good idea.

the house of the Lord

I went to church today. St. James Catholic Church in the next town. It felt very good to go to church. I'd not been since I moved here back in november. It was simple yet pretty church and the sermon was good for the portion I saw. I was moved to tears.

I was actually headed to a church down the street and happened across this one as one that met more of my personal concept/percept of what church should look like and present. I think I'll be a regular. Now for the follow-through.

God Bless.

had this conversation with my sister last week

AQUARIUS - Neptune in your birth sign is energized by Mars in Aries today, so use your imagination and follow your dream wherever it might lead. Some may say you have taken leave of your senses but the opposite is more likely to be true: you have finally come to understand that reality is what you want it to be, not what others tell you it should be.

I happen to agree with this in large and that's a riot.

I might say that my current expression of this line of thinking has to do with my current romantic dilemma. I'd like to believe that there are two ways I can interpret and let the current situation proceed. Which way it does go, will be up to how I conduct myself and approach the scenario. Unfortunately, I'm still trying to make my choice.

ain't that the truth of the matter?!

"The trouble with life isn't that there is no answer, it's that there are so many answers."

Ruth Benedict

out of town or just out of luck

I called her yesterday to say happy 4th. I think she may be out of the country visiting family.

It's possible that she does not have the time or ability to reply right now, but it's equally likely that she's chosen not to.

How long will not knowing the answer continue to irk me?

frustrations

let out some of those