what i won't be able to say in the proper words

i miss her
especialty the novelty of her
but quite possibly entirely her individuality
one of the most outwardly selfless people i know and could never quite understand it

anyway, i'd heard and always feared she'd move on before me
she confirmed that for me yesterday in a mailing

she stated she wasn't sure i was interested in the fact, but we both know that's what i did want to know in some sick way, and what she wanted to tell me in a 'truth be known' and possibly even a slightly 'i'm not pining over you' method

you'd like to think details were put forth in a 'we're friends so i can tell you this' method, but i definitely did not want to know she's going to weddings with some dude she's newly dating.

less so since dating, to me , means that you go out for dinner and maybe a kiss without any defined exclusivity; but i believe dating to her means that she may already consider him her boyfriend , which is a bit more than i care to swallow right now

i'm not ready for that, not only are my feelings unresolved, but it confirms all the thoughts i had before i broke it off for the sake of avoiding the long distance relationship

as usher said - if you did it to him, you could do it to me

she was in a slightly similar situation when i dated her, and i didn't want to be on the other side of what happend in the past

i figure, she'll be around other people , wouldn't have time for me - which she forwardly expressed - and eventually her interest for someone local would supercede her interest for someone not willing to compromise their lifestyle while she was away on her own exploits

unfortunately the current situation is confirming ; i'm not sure what to make of it all or if it will make it easier moving past the whole thing

f