mixed emotion

so my ex called me yesterday. not without reason entirely. i had failed to remove her from my speed dial, and as my phone is not of the flip variety, I on occasion dial people unintentionally if I faile to put the number lock on. As such she phoned to bring to my attention that she was dialed in err over the weekend. It was nice to speak w/ her especially since I was quite under the weather. Yet, the proximity to new years and prior hints toward the fact that she desired less of my attention, at least for the time being, were stacked against us.

we'd spent the last two new years together and now living in new locations , I could understand the sentimentality of the occasion. I can't say she was not in my thoughts that evening, but as responses have played out, I've thought it wise to decide to be the responder not the initiator. To insure this i've also removed her # from my speed dial. Now that the holiday is past and over with I have only 45 days to have to deal with the tortures of valentines. You've got to hate feeling guilty on a manufactured holiday.

=(